eating my feelings

About an hour ago, I pulled up to the order window at Omega burger. There are some moments in life that call for a good, greasy ghetto burger. This was one of those moments. Sad to say that the only thing keeping me grounded, wavering on the edge of a total emotional meltdown and reality was a charred burger patty from an establishment with a faded “B” rating in the window. I hated my world at the moment. I placed my order and provided incorrect change thus lengthening the transaction process. I snatched my white food sack and cradled it. Greasy little paper windows showed through almost immediately. Raw onions stunk up my car just as quick. I haven’t actually eaten solid food in two days so whatever was in the bag was going to taste undoubtedly wonderful.

Something very disheartening had happened to me. I’ve been broken by other people before, but this time it will take some getting over. Turns out I have great friends who care about me; who don’t think I’m nuts for texting them a very disturbing message regarding what had happened, at 2:00AM. I was suffering and I wanted everyone to hold my hand, or at least hold my hair back while I puked up Little Ceasar’s pizza in the toilet at my parent’s house.

I don’t remember what the text message I sent out said exactly. I remember crushing the buttons on my cell phone key pad to the point where my thumb pulsated. I remember wiping away tears and biting my bottom lip until it bled, then wiping away blood with the back of my hand. I’ve been having sinus problems so my nose didn’t run with snot, it stuffed up, causing me to breathe heavily through my mouth. Everything hurt. I was exhausted. Dad said to try and sleep, that things could be worked out in the morning. I thought he knew me better than that? There was going to be no sleep in my future. My mind raced uncontrollably. My body continued to run hot.

I had seen Dr. Chops my acupuncturist earlier. He diagnosed me with an earth-fire, or was it earth-wind-fire fever? My body always runs hot. I usually have trouble sleeping because my brain can’t let me relax. Tonight would be no different. I’m feeling a little better now. A little more civil. The burger helped along with a rainbow sprinkled doughnut from Winchell’s, half a sack full of stale doughnut holes, a diet lemon Snapple tea, and mounds of Trader Joe’s Pirate Booty White Cheddar Puffs. My belly hurts now for obviously different reasons.

Thank you everyone, I’m bouncing back quite nicely. Other than that, Philly whupped the Giants’ asses today. There is hope after all.

Burn!