Pork n' Beans

Beans isn’t at work today.

Beans isn’t at work and its been a looong Friday.

Beans can’t see the people as they rifle through her desk papers, suck at their teeth and say,

“Where is she? I can’t find the (fill in the blank).”

Beans and I are developing a seemingly (un)healthy venting relationship that may, on the other hand, be very therapeutic in the long run and justify any sort of wacky, spontaneous workplace violence/paperclip stabbing on the horizon.

Beans needs to hem her damn pants.

Both Beans and I can't settle on using a consistent font/color in our emails.

I really want to go back to calling Beans "Willona" but I don't think she's going to stand for that shit. Again.

Beans is missing the new chick’s first day (back) at work and all the hoopla caused by her and two other people trying to get a clock to work – that sounds like a bad joke, “How many employees does it take to fix a clock?”

Beans would be proud of me (maybe) for wearing my lesbian cargo pants two days in a row and not shaving above the ankles.

Hope you’re enjoying your hooky day, you scalliwag.

It happum on one ah dem Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah Days. Now dat's the kinda day where you can't opem yo mouf widout a song jumpin right out of it!

From: Bella
Sent: Wednesday, June 25, 2008 4:54 PM
To: Beans
Subject: How do I tell him that I don't have unresolved Daddy/runaway slave issues?

Uncle Remus said he'd call me back and didn't leave a number. I was so shocked that he called me under that context - I really didn't get that dirty old man vibe from him at all. I was just being friendly. This is why I usually don't talk to strangers unless I've been drinking.

Phone convo…………………………...

Briar Rabbit: [INSERT PHONE GREETING HERE]
Uncle Remus: "Hello?"
Briar Rabbit: "How can I help you?" [automatic recognition]
Uncle Remus: "Hi this is Harold, I just met you earlier in the Doctor's office?"
Briar Rabbit: "Oh…. Hello. How can I help you."
Uncle Remus: "I was just dreamin about those beautiful eyes"
[sounds like he was driving???]
Briar Rabbit: "Huh?"
Uncle Remus: "I just wanted to call and say it was really nice to meet you."
Briar Rabbit: "Nice meeting you too. Is there something I can help you with?"
Uncle Remus: "Well I just wanted to see if maybe you would be free for lunch…"
Briar Rabbit: "Uhhh…."
Uncle Remus: "Well not anytime soon, I'm just sooo busy."
[um, weren't you just asking me about employment?]
Briar Rabbit: "Uhh, I don't know."
Uncle Remus: "Well how about I give you a call back sometime?"
Briar Rabbit: [very uneasy] "OK....?"
Uncle Remus: "Great, talk to you later."
Briar Rabbit: Take care [hanging up]
Uncle Remus: [still talking] "…all right, I..."
Briar Rabbit: CLICK

Ew. Eww. Ewww. I'll keep you posted.

gray matter

“Reason is the Enemy of Democracy” – The Mighty B, Nicklodeon

I’ve been indulging in some particularly shitty television lately. Partly because I can, partly because it’s on. Rock of Love went down in flames but I watched until the very last episode. Flavor of Love was equally horrendous and by far not closely as entertaining, but again, I watched enthusiastically every week. It was funny though, in conversations with those daring co-workers of mine, I’d bring up the show every once in a while or make reference to one of the lucky ladies. Their reaction?
“You watch that? I don’t watch that show. (Fill in the blank) is sooo stupid”

According to realitytvworld.com, in 2007: The Flavor of Love 2 finale, was viewed by a all-time VH1 record-breaking audience of more than 7.5 million people. The finale was also the top rated non-sports show on cable television that year.

Folks, someone is watching these shows. Someone you know. DAMMIT, IT'S YOU!

Even the E! Channel produced some of the top craptastic fodder to hit the airwaves since the surge of reality T.V. began. Oh, Snoop Dogg’s Fatherhood, The Girls Next Door, True Hollywood Story…. how I love the brain farts you give me.

My new love happened to be Ego Trips, Miss Rap Supreme on VH1. Espe gave up on watching the show with the first episode citing it wasn’t as good, even with the copious boobs. He liked the initial season, (formally The White Rapper Show), which I admit was a lot more insightful and rugged than this new girl version, but these women are pretty damn raw. (Go Byata!!!) It’s entertainment. How seriously can you take it?

The WORST of the absolute worst has got to be “The Moment of Truth” on Fox. That show gives me a bellyache. How anyone in their right mind could be a contestant is beyond me. I’ll be dying with all of my dirt intact, thank you very mooch.

Besides that, all reality T.V. isn’t in the genre of trashy-tabloid rating whore mongers.
The Discovery Channel’s “Deadliest Catch” and “Verminators” is pretty cool, but I always have to take a shower immediately after. Watching gives me the creeeeps.

Isn’t it nice to just get away from the mainstream of hate and disparity for once? These reality shows are Mallow fluff for the brain. Give me a break for taking a temporary vacay, will you? I don’t even watch much T.V. but when I do, I need a breather from MSNBC telling me every evening in between Spongebob Squarepants and Two and a Half Men, how the economy is in such a slippery slope downward. Or how housing is horrible, unemployment is on the rise, bananas are at an all time high – some stores selling them individually in upwards of $.40 - $1.00 PER ‘nana. Jamba Juice sells them for $.75 a piece. Seriously. Give me Flavor Flav’s ugly mug any day. YEAAAAAH BOOOOOYYYYYY!!!