...because I got so many questions...

RE: WTF is a "Dirty Sanchez?"
Come on, you could have googled it. Don't be lazy.

Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

I can't describe all of the past weekend's events by no fault of my own. I've highlighted the highlights.

My night involved, but was not limited to the following:

Women restroom attendants who carry switchblades

Multiple “El Don” margaritas

A stranger named Jeff showing me photos on his cell phone of his newborn baby, buying me a shot of Patron then proceeding to sniff my hair and neck before stumbling away

Rounds of Jagerbombs

Stares

Nearsighted Merchant Coast Guards with money to burn

Drunk dialing

Long-stemmed roses

Large carafes of “Adios Mutherfuckers”

Chair dancing

Drunk texting

Mechanical bulls

Flashback of, “I Wanna Sex U Up,” by Color Me Badd

A Denny’s restroom stall

A conversation revolving around Dirty Sanchez references

More than one person vomiting into multiple parking lot gratings

My purse being filled with paper towels, napkins and toilet seat liners

An obscene photo with a giant, fake horse

The Curious George parking structure at Universal Studios Hollywood

The Dinosaur parking structure at Universal Studios Hollywood (three hours later)

Bruises

Letting a someone with a horrible driving record, notorious for crashing cars, drive my car (and me home)

Dizziness for three days

That about sums it up.