I can't describe all of the past weekend's events by no fault of my own. I've highlighted the highlights.
My night involved, but was not limited to the following:
Women restroom attendants who carry switchblades
Multiple “El Don” margaritas
A stranger named Jeff showing me photos on his cell phone of his newborn baby, buying me a shot of Patron then proceeding to sniff my hair and neck before stumbling away
Rounds of Jagerbombs
Stares
Nearsighted Merchant Coast Guards with money to burn
Drunk dialing
Long-stemmed roses
Large carafes of “Adios Mutherfuckers”
Chair dancing
Drunk texting
Mechanical bulls
Flashback of, “I Wanna Sex U Up,” by Color Me Badd
A Denny’s restroom stall
A conversation revolving around Dirty Sanchez references
More than one person vomiting into multiple parking lot gratings
My purse being filled with paper towels, napkins and toilet seat liners
An obscene photo with a giant, fake horse
The Curious George parking structure at Universal Studios Hollywood
The Dinosaur parking structure at Universal Studios Hollywood (three hours later)
Bruises
Letting a someone with a horrible driving record, notorious for crashing cars, drive my car (and me home)
Dizziness for three days
That about sums it up.
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