FUN FACTS (...'cause Beans called my Blog "static")

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you
would have produced enough sound energy to heat one
cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months,
enough gas is produced to create the energy of an
atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps
out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(Sweet Cheezus, that's pretty nasty)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig!)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head
before it starves to death.
(Creepy... but I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an
hour. (Kids, DO NOT try this at home...... maybe at work.)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head
is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by
ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like
a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 whole minutes...... lucky pig..... can you imagine??)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond? Bleah.)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm........)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years
longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(OK, so that would be a good thing right?)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex
for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

It's my party, I'll wear shoes if I want to.

"I'm out of the cellar with a blade and some cheddar..." - If You Fear Dying, One Day As a Lion

Most of my friends know by now that I woke up on Saturday morning with an ink stamp on my wrist. It reads either “J. TAO” or OAT. J (upside down). My hair and makeup were still fully intact, left shoe missing, sprawled flat on my back in bed. Worst part is that I don’t remember getting it/how or even why. Someone invaded my personal space in order to stamp me and I don’t recall what the hell for. I hung out in LBC most of the night and I recall drinking large blue drinks resembling Windex, then trolling the streets feverishly for tacos (?) with my high heels dangling by my fingertips. Hooters had stopped serving food by this time. I was dodging LBPD steaming by on shiny Segways. My toes were absolutely killing me. I passed a stranger lady in the crosswalk and she muttered under her breath to me, “put your shoes back on.”

Why I suddenly became enraged…. um, half an hour later, I don’t know. I argued aloud to no one in particular at IHOP while scarfing down my New York Cheesecake Pancake Combo. “What right did she have to tell ME to put MY shoes back on???”

Mmm, those pancakes were yummy. Hashbrowns at IHOP are deceiving. They only cook them on one side. Ever notice that? The underbelly was raw with ice chips. Nothing that a lighter and a little Tapatio couldn’t solve.

I have weird photos on my digital camera including one of those, “HI MY NAME IS…” sticker name tags with, “YEAH, I KNOW” written on the blank name part in thick, black Sharpie pen stuck on my boob. I think Gay Sean did that. Thanks a heap Gay Sean.

My ass does not hurt so I’ve ruled out alien probing. If you identify the above pictured logo or name stamp, please contact me.