I got your coal right here, bitch.

Ahh... the start of the yuletide festivities, earmarked with a five page notice from administration sanctioning the 'Holiday Season Decorations' (notice they didn't specify CHRISTMAS), at our worksites:

"Should your department's facilities permit decorative displays and exhibits, please ensure that the minimum requirements listed below are followed:

I. PLACEMENT OF DECORATIONS
Natural cut trees shall have the trunk bottoms cut off at least 1/2 inch above the original cut and shall be placed in a support device complying with requirement below.

The support device that holds the tree in a upright position shall be of a type that is stable and meets all of the following criteria: the device shall hold the tree securely and be of adequate size to avoid tipping over of the tree; the device shall be capable of containing a minimum two-day supply of water; the water level, when full, shall cover the tree stem at least 2 inches (51 mm); the water level shall be maintained above the fresh cut and checked at least once daily.

The tree shall be removed from the building whenever the needles or leaves fall off redily when a tree branch is shaken, or if the needles are brittle and break when bent between the thumb and index finger. The tree shall be checked daily for dryness.

The required width of any portion of a means of egress shall not be obstructed by decorative vegetation.

Candles and open flames shall not be used on or near decorative vegetation. Natural cut trees shall be kept a distance from heat vents and any open flame or heat-producing devices at least equal to the height of the tree.
The use of unlisted electrical wiring and lighting on natural cut trees, and artificial decorative vegetation, shall be prohibited. The use of electrical wiring and lighting on artificial trees constructed entirely out of metal shall be prohibited.

(These are a few excerpts of the first two pages. There are three more pages detailing the useage of lights and decorations and fire code guidelines.)

"Holiday Season" is repeatedly referred to, so does this make the tree a "Holiday Tree"? No word yet on a potential ban on gawd awful Holiday Sweaters that blink/rattle/jingle, or emit peppermint aromas. What in the hell happened to Christmas, Charlie Brown?